Goddess’s Version
How does an average, middle class, traditional couple go from a conservative manner to an alternate lifestyle? Our story is not quite the adventure one would expect from an exotic sounding label such as “poly-fi quad,” but I can sum our placement here in a few words. We didn’t go looking for it, the relationship found us.
That is not to say we weren’t “open” to the idea of exploring some other relationship options. That had been a topic of much conversation over the years prior to beginning this path. I’d love to be able to point to a specific time, event, or change of heart that set us upon our detour that landed us in the middle of poly-ville, but simply all I can say is one small thing lead to another. Each seemingly minor juncture only drew us closer to what has become one of the most fulfilling journeys of my life. I could say it was something like falling asleep in the midst of a Kansas tornado and waking up in Munchkinland on my way to the Emerald City of Oz. The yellow brick road never saw the likes of this before! Four adults and nine children living as one large “blended” family under one roof? We’re DEFINIELTY not in Kansas anymore, Toto…
The Temptress and I have been friends for a while. A long while, actually. We met when we were both expecting our “millennium babies.” We realized almost instantaneously how similar we were in thought and deed. Our parenting styles and boundaries were eerily similar, our tastes in home styles and hobbies the same, our children’s ages practically synched up, and our men, well, they were alike in the important ways (hard working, loving family men) and curiously opposite in others (careers, abilities, approach to life). That mix of “right” similarities and “right” differences made us a magnetic pair. We could spend hours together talking, and we talked practically every day.
Due to family circumstances we found ourselves soon distanced by many miles, so the majority of our early years consisted of email correspondence and a few rare personal visits. Over the course of about seven years, each of our lives held parallel course. We each had ups and downs, financial issues, family crisis, marital challenges, spiritual enlightenment, and personal growth. Although we typically arrived at a similar destination (but not always), we were able to process our individual thoughts and use each other as a sounding board for finding our way through the curves life sent us. I always felt a unique and warm connection to her, like two interlocking pieces of a puzzle – different, yet strangely and perfectly suited to one another.
Then one day, something changed. Neither the temptress nor I can clearly understand the shift that occurred from a shared dream, a dropped hint, and a spoken vision. Actually, perhaps it was more of a Freudian slip; a “did I say that out loud?” type of utterance, but we began to move and speak in new ways. We considered things we hadn’t before, and we giggled together, a lot. Long distance relationships are one thing, but a long distance poly quad? Was that even possible? We had more questions than answers: What would that mean for us, our families? When would we see each other? And then, How? How would we figure out what we were doing? Monogamous relationships are hard enough, but polyamory brings with it a whole extra helping of issues with which to contend.
Of course, the guys had been involved on the other side of our conversations. The pillow talk was exciting and made for some heavy discussions, but we progressed with two caveats between the couples: The first – Total honesty, brutal if need be, and no holding back to spare feelings. We had to be able to trust each other. And secondly – we would move at the pace of the slowest person. From time to time that changed up a bit, but mostly it was a predictable position. (We love you, sweetie! Can I take this opportunity to remind you just how much you mean to us? :)
No matter the challenges we encountered, nor the amount of doubts we had in actually “pulling off” this most unique relationship, giving up on that dream was never an option. We had fallen totally head over heels in love with both of them. It was all too perfect. We were perfect for each other. And the mere thought of living a life without that completeness that they offered, was just too abominable to consider.
Once our minds had embraced a union, the planning of relocating our families to near proximity began. Like Dorothy in that tornado, we came together, relocated, and then combined households all within four short months. Whew! Now here we are – fully committed and wondering what comes next. We’re sort of making up the rules as we go along, since we have very little information on which to base any real choices for our lives. For now, we’re talking it all day by day – and you’ll be here right along with us.
