To Close To Home July 9, 2009

Our boys and Big are very active in Boy Scouts. A year ago when we needed a temporay house for 15 months it was thru a scouting family that a rental was found.

This family has 4 boys from 6 to 19 and a little girl who just over 4. All of the boys are well known in the scouting troops and the family is very active overall. Sunday, the dad and one of the middle sons joined two of our boys and the rest of the troop at Scout camp for what was to have been a 5 day adventure.

Given our two connections to this family their recent tradgedy has hit very close to home for us.  Tuesday night , rather late, the oldest boy was found hanging in his closet by his mother. News of his death spread rapidly and the father and son away at camp left in the wee early morning hours to make a long and I’m certain difficult drive home.

As a parent my heart goes out to this family as a mother I am identifying greatly with his mother. It is unimaginable and one of the worst kinds of grief to lose a child. My mind conjurs all of these images of a mother of bringing this life into the world and being alone without your spouse by your side to find this child you gave life too, lifeless and departed from this world. I admit to being almost fixated by this tragedy because of the age of the boy, and the proximity his family had to ours.

Somewhere in the equation of sympathy and empathy I find anger. While his family is in my thoughts and those thoughts are filled with compassion my mind eventually turns to this young man and I find anger.

What in this life could be so horrible that death was the only way out. And putting all of those reasons aside, his father was away, did he give no thought to who would find him. That it would be his mother and that the site of him in death would be etched forever in her mind, that she and those around him would forever wonder and question what they missed, what could they have done or not done to save him. Did it ever cross his mind that rather than his mother it could have been one of his brothers or his sister, barely out of toddlerhood who could have found him.  Or worse still, was it not his pain he was trying to escape, but rather create pain for those who loved him. Was it an act of rebellion or anger that caused him to take this step ?

Those who choose suicide to end their “suffering”, have absolutly no clue to the suffering they will be leaving behind. This boy has left a family shattered, and this family will spend the rest of their lives trying to make sense of everything, trying to put the pieces back to together and hoping for life to be normal again. But it never will be.

Suicide is taking the easy way out, you may leave all of your pain behind, but you leave it for everyone else to deal with. This young man’s death has reached far beyond his immediate family  and the ripples and shockwaves will travel further what one could imagine. I have never personally met this young man, only seen him from afar, and his face now haunts me as my mind replays the agony his mother must have went thru and imagining the difficulty of getting thru these next few days of funeral preperation, viewings and laying him to rest.

Our boys and their troop will be returing home a day early in order to have the opportunity to pay their respects. They are  going to be taking part in something I wish for no young person and that is to say a final goodbye to a life ended to soon. 

I urge you our readers, please take time to be aware of your young ones. Talk to them. Let them know it is safe to talk to you. There are times when kids need us to be parents, and others when they just need us to be shoulders and ears. And let them know that if they can not talk to you, you will help them find someone that can talk to. And if that is an avenue your child takes, don’t be offended. Be grateful , because that person may be the one to save your child’s life.

Temptress

The Nest Refilled April 12, 2009

I am happy to say that for Easter, all our chickies are back on the same continent.  Miss Academic had a fabulous time in Greece (now that she’s home I can tell you where she went) and has done nothing but bubble about her experiences.  I know the exploration bug has bitten.  I expect this to be the first of many travels for her.  Each time I will feel those Mommy twinges as she drives away or steps onto an airplane.  But I’m thrilled for her and know those once-in-a-lifetime experiences only present themselves in limited number.  If we are the sum of our experiences, may each of us seize those chances to make something truly amazing inside oursleves.

The Good that Await Us June 24, 2008

I have to admit that recently I’ve been a little bit of a slouch.  I was at one time full of energy with a “to do” list a mile long each day.  Maybe it is the summer time or perhaps it is because even two mommies are swamped by having nine children at home 24/7, but for whatever the reasons of late, I’ve taken to enjoying a mid day break.  Most days I’m judicious with my “spare” time with one or two small exceptions…

 

There is this mindless reality show on some domestic cable channel called “Clean House.”  It promotes a crew of colorful characters that go into someone’s shameful jumble of a house/life and rally them to sort through their mess in exchange for some professional design and organization.  The result after a weekend of cleaning, a yard sale, and donation of unnecessary junk is three remodeled rooms that are pristine and inviting.

 

I’m not really certain of the draw this show has for me, other than I can totally relate to the need for structure and order.  That, and the fact that I can understand how one thing can lead to another and before long you realize life circumstances have overwhelmed you and you are mentally mired.  It’s hard to move past the condition to which you’ve become accustomed and put forth the colossal effort to move forward with a fresh slate.  Our messes comfort us in a weird way.

 

I got to thinking recently about how difficult it seems to be for myself and for others I know to let go of things that seem to interfere in our ability to move forward in life.  Behaviors and attitudes that are inherently adverse to where we want to be long term seem like an illogical choice, but it’s that baggage we carry with us from childhood, from past experiences, or from stubbornness.

 

I remember a story told to me many years ago that demonstrates this premise:

~~~

Jenny was a bright-eyed, pretty five-year-old girl. One day when she and her mother were checking out at the grocery store, Jenny saw a plastic pearl necklace priced at $2.50. How she wanted that necklace, and when she asked her mother if she would buy it for her, her mother said, “Well, it is a pretty necklace, but it costs an awful lot of money. I’ll tell you what. I’ll buy you the necklace, and when we get home we can make up a list of chores that you can do to pay for the necklace. And don’t forget that for your birthday Grandma just might give you a whole dollar bill, too. Okay?”

Jenny agreed, and her mother bought the pearl necklace for her. Jenny worked on her chores very hard every day, and sure enough, her grandma gave her a brand new dollar bill for her birthday. Soon Jenny had paid off the pearls.

How Jenny loved those pearls. She wore them everywhere-to kindergarten, bed and when she went out with her mother to run errands. The only time she didn’t wear them was in the shower-her mother had told her that they would turn her neck green!

Now Jenny had a very loving daddy. When Jenny went to bed, he would get up from his favorite chair every night and read Jenny her favorite story.

One night when he finished the story, he said, “Jenny, do you love me?”

“Oh yes, Daddy, you know I love you,” the little girl said.

“Well, then, give me your pearls.”

“Oh! Daddy, not my pearls!” Jenny said. “But you can have Rosie, my favorite doll. Remember her? You gave her to me last year for my birthday. And you can have her tea party outfit, too. Okay?”

“Oh no, darling, that’s okay.” Her father brushed her cheek with a kiss. “Good night, little one.”

A week later, her father once again asked Jenny after her story, “Do you love me?”

“Oh yes, Daddy, you know I love you.”

“Well, then, give me your pearls.”

“Oh, Daddy, not my pearls! But you can have Ribbons, my toy horse. Do you remember her? She’s my favorite. Her hair is so soft, and you can play with it and braid it and everything. You can have Ribbons if you want her, Daddy,” the little girl said to her father.

“No, that’s okay,” her father said and brushed her cheek again with a kiss. “God bless you, little one. Sweet dreams.”

Several days later, when Jenny’s father came in to read her a story, Jenny was sitting on her bed and her lip was trembling. “Here, Daddy,” she said, and held out her hand. She opened it and her beloved pearl necklace was inside. She let it slip into her father’s hand.

With one hand her father held the plastic pearls and with the other he pulled out of his pocket a blue velvet box. Inside of the box were real, genuine, beautiful pearls.

He had them all along. He was waiting for Jenny to give up the cheap stuff so he could give her the real thing.

By: Author Unknown

~~~

 

So it is for us with many things in life.  How often do we sacrifice beauty in our lives because we refuse to mature past the cheap trinkets?  How often do we hold onto things when we should let go?

 

I think many times we grasp so firmly to unhealthy patterns, relationships, habits, or activities because it seems impossible to let go.  Or perhaps we just feel like a second rate something is better than an unlikely nothing.  We are so focused on our rights, or our possessions, or what we deserve in life, that we overlook the abundance that comes from a clutter free existence.

 

I know more than anyone how hard it is to let go of the familiar for the possibility of something better.  But if we analyze our heart and mind, there is always a measure of clearing and cleaning that needs to be done.  Sometimes, it is so hard to see what awaits us, but I firmly believe when we learn to let go, there is something much better waiting to bless us.

 

~the laundry goddess, June 24, 2008

 

“Man cannot discover new oceans until he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.”  ~ Andre Gide

 

“It’s not because things are difficult that we dare not venture. It’s because we dare not venture that they are difficult.”  ~ Seneca