Yesterday while in a business meeting, Big and I were called home by Goddess. A minor request of the 15 yr old son had gotten ugly and she felt outgunned and outnumbered.
So we hurried home with the knowledge that the son was on the front porch would remain there to cool off.
When we got home the adults clustered in the sitting room, discussion was had, calls made and as the time passed I felt more and more pushed into “finding him placement”.
I am under no delusions, I know the boy needs help. I also know that funds and insurance restraints have put a sever crimp in our ability to get him large amounts of counseling.
I am also aware thanks to extensive testing done early last fall that the boy is not behaving in this manner because he thinks it’s great fun. In fact he’s hurting. Somewhere inside him is pain, pain that manifests itself in ugly and uncomfortable ways. All I want is to help the boy. But some of those around me feel he needs “ a wake up call”. If he can see just how tough life can get for him, he’ll behave better. Well for your average ill behaved teen, I whole heartedly agree. But I have teen dealing with PTSD (from what we aren’t sure) severe ADHD, several learning disabilities and depression.
After several calls the best I could come up with was an hours drive south to a psychiatric hospital for an “assessment” where they “might” interred him for up to 72 hours.
As I prepared to take him , Fix insisted on riding along, I had no issue with him accompanying us, just not in the same vehicle. Of course an altercation occurred that rattled me deeply, and my mind started to spin with more things than I could keep straight. One thing had become painfully clear, I was being pushed into finding him “a place to go”, Big did not want him here any longer.
Initially he used the words “ I am uncomfortable”… but by bedtime the words used were “not welcome”. So now here I sit, my son is staying at a friend of ours for “a day or two” while I try to get my head together and figure what to do.
One of my children is in need of help, and I’m feeling his “family” turn from him, so I am in fight or flight mode. This makes things pretty uncomfortable all around.
I have located several options and it could take weeks, or months before he is placed in a therapeutic environment. Big is lobbying for me to have him deemed “ungovernable” by the state and turning him over to their care.
So, if I choose the therapeutic route, what then do I do for the upcoming weeks/months it could take? Where does he go in the meantime? I spent the majority of the night researching programs and tossing all of my options around in my head. Really I have so few. But the one thing that I am firm on is that I am a package deal. I come with children and warts. If one of my children is no longer welcome in this house, then neither am I. Which means my choices have been narrowed down to the one that is killing me inside. I have to break a promise to Goddess, and let her go.
I feel as if my family is systematically being broken down piece by piece. First Fix, now our son, will one of my daughters ill behavior have them earmarked in the future?.
Moving out and moving on is looking to be the only option that is going to keep my family intact. But in doing so I tear apart the family we have built here. I break a promise to Goddess and I break her heart.
Temptress
