Our Poly Life

Our life as a Polyamorous Quad, with 10 kids.

To tell or not to tell, THAT is the question

on April 20, 2006

We have discussed at length the decision we have made to not clue the children in to the full meaning of our blended family.

Several months ago when Fix and I moved our crew closer to “the nest” geographically, we began spending weekends together as a ‘family’. As the weeks wore on when we gathered our bags to return to “our home” each Sunday night the kids began to balk. Really all of us moving in together happened MUCH sooner than planned at the insistence of ALL of the kids. In total honesty the children have melded far better than we could have hoped. Especially with 9 of them still at home and those all being 13 and under. They call each other ”brother” and ”sister”… and on most occasions the “aunt” and “uncle” status granted the opposing parental units becomes Mom 1.. Mom2 and so forth. They have even taken our last names and combined them into a new last name that they are currently lobbying to have changed so we can all have the same name. Really we just could not have asked for better.

With that said….. they have NO knowledge of the full relationship details of our quad. And we have no current plans to enlighten them. And that includes the 19 yr old living away at school. Because the kids seemed to have blended us without our prompting and they are perfectly happy in this situation we can’t really see a reason to bring “full disclosure” on the scene at this time. We already are careful of looks, caresses and touches because of our jobs, social status and non-informed family members. Yes we would love to be free at home to so open affection to spouses and SE’s, but currently we feel in the best interest of young minds we are making the best choice we can.

If asked point blank by one of them… we intend to be very truthful and we will honestly answer question …. But we are in hope we have a few more years before we have to do that.

Temptress, 4-20-06

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One response to “To tell or not to tell, THAT is the question

  1. Temptress says:

    Hi there,

    I’m in a quad also that has a similar configuration to yours and I’ve enjoyed your blog. There are a lot of similarities here. I just wanted to say that I think you should very seriously consider telling your kids sooner rather than later. They are smart creatures and the already know something is up. By sneaking around from bedroom to bedroom, you could be telegraphing that you are ashamed of what you are doing (even if you aren’t). It is shame that is the most desctuctive emotion they will face and if they know their parents aren’t ashamed, it’s easier to stand up to intolerant community members they may encounter. I’m not saying flaunt it but imagine how much freer you’d feel if you didn’t have to get up at 5 am to run back or if you could give an intimate hug without worrying what they think. Of course, you have to do what’s best but since you’ve raised the topic here, I thought I’d tell you what works for us. We just treat it as normal. We tell the kid we still love their mommy and daddy and we love the other two also and that’s that. We tell the older one that not everyone lives this way so be careful who you tell but we are very matter of fact with the situation. I think that you could have trouble if the kids percieve you’ve been “lying” to them all this time. The betrayal is worse than the unusualness, in my opinion, although they may blame your “deviance” to hide their hurt. Anyway, these are my cautions based on my experience and observation so take what you will from it and good luck with everything.

    Beth

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