Our Poly Life

Our life as a Polyamorous Quad, with 10 kids.

Keeping The Faith

on May 27, 2006

I love the idea of one man married to and in love with one woman for a lifetime. But I don’t find that to be the norm in Christian circles. Very few couples manage to reach this ideal. Christian divorce rates are just as high as the rest of our society. Many Christians are lured into affairs whether they are sexual, emotional, or even something inanimate like their career. Many stayed married for the sake of the kids or how others will view them, but live like roommates; polite and detached. These issues are so normal in today’s society that a serial monogamist going from relationship to relationship is viewed as fine, while a polyamorist involved with more than one person in an open and honest relationship is generally frowned upon.

From a Christian perspective, I want to do what is right based on Biblical teachings. At the same time, I don’t want to necessarily do what the last few generations have done for no reason whatsoever. As I looked at Polyamory, I had to decide if I was going against scripture. Many questions started running through my head. The answers that came from my research formed the basis of my justification for our quad relationship and others like it.

Since so many of the men in the Old Testament were polygamists, when did the Hebrews change to a monogamist society and why?
Are there other examples in the Bible of the culture expanding the rules way beyond what God required? Could that have occurred here?
The Mormons were polygamist until 1890 when Utah became a state. I assume the economic benefits of statehood are why they gave up the practice officially to conform to the norm. Since their faith is reliant on the Bible as well as the book of Mormon, why did they originally choose this lifestyle when the rest (majority or all?) of contemporary Christian denominations are monogamist?
Were women treated more as possessions in the Old Testament times? Assuming you see them as equal with men today, and if the Jews in the Old Testament had felt the same way, would they have been polygamous (when men had multiple spouses) or polyandrous (where the women could have multiple spouses as well)?

I once heard Gandhi given credit for the quote (but I can’t authenticate this information), “I might have been a Christian had I not met so many of them.” I don’t want people to fall away from the faith or never come to it because they see the Bible as a book of don’ts as opposed to a book of dos. Two of the sites that have given me the most to think about include www.libchrist.com and www.patriarchywebsite.com (particularly its sections on polygamy). If you are going through some of the same reflections that I am, please email me any sources you find that give you further direction as well as your thoughts on the subject (mrbig@ourpolylife.org). I find myself in need of communion with others that feel like they are trying to blend these two worlds as I am.



One response to “Keeping The Faith

  1. Temptress says:

    Just a note to say that I empathize with your struggle to adapt your faith to your discoveries about a part of human nature that has been kept hidden from you, involving love’s previously unnoticed potentials.

    I would say that if you believe God made us, he made human nature, and he knows it better than the people who taught you do — including facets of love that were absent from your education when you were growing up. You four have discovered something that God knew about all along, and that lies within you because of him.

    Mind you I say this as a non-Christian and in fact pretty much of an atheist when anyone asks me. Our family is Unitarian-Universalist — you know, those folks who can’t honestly determine what absolute truth actually is, and have made peace with the fact that the only honest way we can live is to accept ambiguity. (grin)

    Prayers and best wishes to all of you. We’re rooting for you.


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