Our Poly Life

Our life as a Polyamorous Quad, with 10 kids.

Hamburger And Steak

on May 29, 2006

I am the one who changed the rules in the relationship between Big and myself.
I am the one who fell IN love with him rather than simply loving him.

I knew where and how he stood and I told myself this was ok….. this was acceptable.
And to many degrees it is ok… it is acceptable. But sometimes…. well sometimes I just want more.

I have this restaurant scenario in my head….
You sit at the table with your mind wrapped around the idea of a steak. The waiter comes and you place your order only to have him tell you they are out of steak.
So instead of getting what you really want…. You settle for a hamburger. This really isn’t a huge deal to you as you love hamburgers. They are satisfying and comfortable feeling in your stomach. But steak…. steak is what you adore; steak is what lights your life. But really its ok, a hamburger is an acceptable trade-off.

Sometimes…. just sometimes mind you, I feel like that hamburger. Now logically I know this is not how it truly is. But occasionally it sure feels like it.

When this relationship first began last Oct. Big started a campaign to win my heart. It really was a no hold bar, pull out all the stops wooing. And woo me he did, in very short order. Now at times I feel like he has accomplished goal… he has won me so the thrill of the hunt is gone now.

Now don’t get me wrong…. This is not how it always is. He treats me with, care and respect. And there are times when I feel cherished, loved, and adored. These times of course are rationed but generally each one gets me thru the dry spell until the next.

Three of us have now moved to point where we consider the quad a whole, and love each with equal fervor. Each love is different, but strong and powerful in its own right. And then you have a fourth who is still struggling with yours and mine…… it is simply a waiting game. A balancing act until hopefully one day he crosses over.

When that day comes, it won’t just be me who benefits. The entire quad will benefit. The relationship of the four will finally solidify to become one working unit.

We have successfully accomplished this goal when you look at us as a family. We are a cohesive and working unit. The adults have roles as providers and caregivers that play off of each other in perfect harmony. The children have come together as a sibling unit that warms the heart. Yes as a family we are one. The lines of yours and mine are blurry and in time will fade away.
But as a romantic quad… we work each day to move to a place where the line of yours and mine fade into non-existence.

Temptress

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