Our Poly Life

Our life as a Polyamorous Quad, with 10 kids.

Two Roosters In The Hen House

on June 2, 2006

One of our friends has made a comment that has me wondering, “can two roosters exist in the same hen house?” I always found that Fix and I worked together like a team of tag team wrestlers. We both have such distinct skill sets that it seems natural to look to one another when a task appears and automatically know who is to go into the ring. Tag – you’re it! When we are playing to our strengths, we both tend to be able to mesmerize the crowd whether it is made up of wives, children, or a combination of the two.

We also tend to be aware of each other’s private space. Granted this is probably more on my shoulders than his. I like to know I have a space that others won’t come into without knocking, even if it is the hall bathroom for some quality personal time. I see my bedroom as the same type personal space where my counterpart is concerned and tend to view his room in the same manor for him. We do spend time together in these areas, usually with spouses and a movie, but always at the beckoning of the “owner.” If one of us is not going to be near our room for a while, it tends to revert in ownership to the wives, who may within, entertain whosoever they deem appropriate. None of this was ever formally decided upon. It is only the way I perceive it; the others will undoubtedly see it differently.

The other perceived difference is in how often I need my “cave” time – sometimes by myself, but often with “my” woman. Every now and again, I react poorly to my wife’s other relationships prompting her to write such blogs as “Property Laws of a Toddler.” Others seem to think I live in my cave all the time and will occasionally stick my head out like a prairie dog. We decided to move at the pace of the slowest person when we started this relationship and that person has turned out to nearly always be me. Luckily we all agree that my poor reactions are coming less frequently, much more softly, and with a much quicker recovery time. Maybe I’ll be able to start skipping some of my Temper Tantrum Anonymous meetings soon. I’m surprised the other members of my quad have not placed one of the beach signs that tells you how bad the under current is, on my bedroom door. “Don’t ask him for time today, the red flag is out. You’ll get washed out to sea.”

Since I’m the slowest person, the perception is that my permission must be granted whenever anyone wishes to spend time with Goddess. I don’t want to be controlling anymore than I want to have poor reactions come out of no where. All I can do is ask the other three for patience while I learn to deal with myself. Fix has granted full access to Temptress, but gets very bothered by the inequality in the accessibility of the opposing spouses. Unfortunately, I tend to pull away from Temptress instead of sharing Goddess more when this occurs and the downward spiral begins. Over time this should work itself out naturally as I mature past my toddler years. I believe it is this aspect of our relationship that brought out the comment that “It is obvious that Big is the alpha male.” I think Fix and I coexist as easily as any two men can under the same roof. If anything, we share that title as the task dictates as only exact opposites with the same heart for our family can.

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One response to “Two Roosters In The Hen House

  1. Temptress says:

    I get the whole concept of “moving at the rate of the slowest person” as it’s fairly common in poly relationships that are being newly established. Hopefully the “slowest” person does his/her best not to take advantage of this arrangement by being manipulative and tantrum oriented. Mr. Big certainly seems to be seeking self awareness of his tendencies to try and control Goddess. I notice that I cringe when I read this stuff about Fix granting full access to Temptress as everyone waits for Mr. Big to get over himself and his ownership rights and “grant” Goddess the same. Goodness, these are grown adult women. Where did Fix and Mr. Big get their perceived rights to “grant” their wives their freedom? I’m assuming (dangerous to assume I know) you all aren’t into the BDSM thing so what’s this illusion everyone is buying into?

    Adrienne

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