Our Poly Life

Our life as a Polyamorous Quad, with 10 kids.

Friends With Benefits

on June 8, 2006

Back in October ‘ 05 when the four of us realized we had something a bit more than friendship we talked about what we wanted, how we hoped this quad would function ect.
The one single fact that we all agreed on was that we wanted a blended family where the 2 couples could share a friendship, be close and enjoy each others company while raising our children together, allowing them to grow together and being able to take on the duties of parents to the opposing kiddos if heaven forbid something should happen to their natural parents. The whole “poly lifestyle” really was the secondary reason. When we realized that friendship was more… that there was love in some form hiding amongst the friendships… that was when we made the choice to blend our marriages as well as our families.

It has become glaringly apparent over the last several weeks that one of us did not think this thru completely. That one of us somewhere in the back of his mind had convinced himself this would be easy and that a poly quad relationship was barely a step above “friends with benefits”.

If I am to be honest I can say that I was of the opinion that Big and I would have a relationship based on working partners and friendship. I guess as far as he and I were concerned…. We would be the “friends with benefits”. Goddess and Fix and myself would be the ones who had the deeper feelings… the more bonded relationships…. Big and I together would be the “swing votes” so to speak.

And then.. I broke the rules. I moved ahead of Big. I made the fatal mistake of falling in love with him. I already loved him….. but I was not head over heels, take my breath away IN love with him…. Until we spent the night away.
( see blog entry… A Change of Heart)

And now, several weeks after this event…. Big and I seem further apart than we have been thus far. Why you may ask…. The simple question of morality.

Big is fighting a battle within himself to morally justify this step we have taken. He is comfortable with 2 couples living together. He enjoys all of the benefits that I listed above. But he struggles now with the sexual portion of our , all four of our relationships.

The one man, one woman argument of the Christian faith encroaches upon his thoughts.
He says to us, “ I want this… I really do… but”
And it is that but that has us waiting with baited breath for his next step.
I have put out a few feelers and am awaiting some return contact of clergy that are poly friendly that may be able to help clear is conscience. Until such time as he can sooth his moral mind, his loving heart is held hostage.



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