Our Poly Life

Our life as a Polyamorous Quad, with 10 kids.


on June 10, 2006

Time can be viewed in many ways. As children the summer months can fly by as school starts seemingly the very same week it ended. And in the same manner from one Christmas to another can seem an eternity.

As adults we know our baby’s first year zips by at the speed of light. And as we and our children age time seems to speed up with each passing year.

Time is a constant and yet can feel hurried or lingering. The last several days have been particularly trying as Big does his best to work thru his questions and tries to find a place where he can come to terms with the choice we four have made. As he ponders his issue he has made a request of me. And that request is for time. Time for him to find the answers he seeks.

I have agreed to give him that time… but I admit grudgingly, not because I don’t want to. But because really I have no other choice. If I were to stamp my foot like a toddler and demand he resolve his issue immediately, just how far do you think that would get me.
I am not childish, nor selfish. I am not unfeeling of his quandary.

But I am in love…….

Sharing this home, working by his side, seeing him everyday, knowing he can’t bring himself to be with me is really the kind of test of my love…. Of our “relationship” I never expected to partake in.

I have to tell you… sex is something I have had only a few times in my life… and found it distasteful. I do not participate in sex…… rather I choose to make love to my partner. I share of myself in the most trusting and intimate manner. What Big and I have is not built on sex, it really is a small part for me….. but I would be lying to say I did not miss him. That I did not miss our quiet and special time together. I miss laying in his arms, I miss having the opportunity to please him….. I miss…. Well, the list goes on.

In the scheme of time I hope, that the time it takes him to come to terms with his questions, is like the first year of a child’s life……. I hope to blink, and find a walking talking toddler standing before me.

And I hope as well he finds the answers he seeks…. Because for me…. Well, that’s just not a situation I’m ready to consider.



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