Our Poly Life

Our life as a Polyamorous Quad, with 10 kids.

Freedon of Expression

on June 14, 2006

I’ve never considered myself a writer.  I was never very good at it in school.  All those creative writing assignments sent me screaming for the safety of subjects I could sort, organize, and understand like geometry, trig, genetics, history, and my favorite – photography.  Until one day in college I found myself totally overwhelmed with emotions I could not any longer sort or organize in my head and headed for a small journal that had been gifted to me upon my graduation.  In this book I began to pour out my feelings in stream of consciousness style, and when I came to the end of my thoughts, felt a thousand times lighter on the inside. 

I quickly learned that my writings, or “journaling” as I came to understand its more appropriate name, took on a life of its own once I sat down with pen and paper and allowed the subconscious to run free.  I found the writing process to be better than paid therapy sessions because I didn’t have to suffer the embarrassment or indignation of having to tell another soul the deepest and darkest places I held inside.  And the best part was that there in black and white I could reconsider my thoughts at a latter time.  I realized a lot about myself in those beginning years, simply by rereading from time to time how I felt.  I was able to reason with hindsight how well I did balancing fact and feeling. 

Fast forward twenty years later…  I’ve continued to write occasionally through the years.  Mainly for my enjoyment or when my brain could no longer contain the quantity of thoughts bursting forth.  But a few years ago I began a letter writing campaign and then an email loop of people with whom I wanted to stay in contact.  I found that detailing my daily regime and reactions to life gave me great outlet.  These friends would tease me about my “novelettes,” which always began with a simple thought, but would parlay themselves into torrid streams of philosophy before ending.  Sometimes I wouldn’t even recognize I felt a certain way until it came from the tips of my fingers and onto the keyboard. 

And now, as we have begun this site and blog, I find myself “speaking” to an unknown audience.  We have been greeted by some of our readers, and some have even left inspiring or gracious comments for us.  But by and large, I write not knowing who might chance across our site, not knowing who will find meaning, not knowing who will relate.  This is where I learn to trust the writing process and remember that the world, however large, is smaller than I think. 

~Goddess, 6-14-06

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