Our Poly Life

Our life as a Polyamorous Quad, with 10 kids.

In Defense

on June 15, 2006

If asked why have I chosen this path, or to “defend” my choice. Can I do so in a clear and concise manner ??

I suppose I would have to begin by clarifying who I am personally and my beliefs.
I believe in God, in an Almighty…. A holy deity . But I believe as with everything there is a male and female aspect. Just as animals have male and female… as well plants and other living beings, there is a male and female aspect in the deity.

I believe the earth was created with a reverence for all living things, and that as humans we were given the knowledge over time to be the caretakers of this earth, not masters of our domain. All living creatures are deserving of our care and respect. All of nature, as it is what sustains us as humans, is also deserving of our respect and care. The creators of life have given us the ability to love, to love without limitations or bounds.
I am not a deeply religious person, but I am spiritual. And I feel the spirit of God/dess in all I do and see each day.

With all of that said. I can first say that my choice has no religious basis or ramifications. I do not fear recrimination from “God” for my choices. Any judgment that I may receive at the end of my life, will be of my own making. Not of my deity’s.

I believe that human form is simply a living vessel to house to energy of each life, the soul. The soul is the essential part of each living being. I do believe in reincarnation. I believe the soul has lessons to be learned as it makes it’s way thru time. As each life is lived these lessons are learned and the soul grows and expands in love and knowledge. I believe the soul makes it’s choice to return to an earthly form or not. If it chooses to return, then possibly that soul feels it is in need of something. When the journey of the soul is complete then I believe it makes the choice to remain in the hereafter with Deity. I also believe in soul mates. I believe that for each of each of us there is 1 or more “mates”. I feel that the soul is like a puzzle piece with many sides. There may be a piece or a “soulmate” that fits in with a particular soul and in fact there may be more than 1 to fit to another “side” of the soul.

My choice… this path….. to simply say I believe we all have the right to “love more” is really a non-explanation. I believe deity has given us the capacity to love without limits placed upon us. As each child is born to parents, we question, “will we love this child as much as the one before?”. Of course….. you may love each child in a different way, but the love is there. The capacity to love each child born to you or gifted to you by circumstance is there. So what makes the ability to love a spouse or partner any more limited ?? Can we not have the same depth of feeling for more than 1 partner ? Is there some little switch in our brains that locks out the ability to love another once you have taken vows of marriage?? Of course not.

As time went on I realized I had a good marriage. A marriage that was tested often by circumstance and life lessons and always found to be strong and steadfast thru each lesson. It was not a matter something missing or wanting more for myself or for our marriage. It really was the pure and simple fact that over time the love of friendship that I felt for another I realized had grown beyond it’s term of “friendship”. It began to feel as if the word “friend” was lacking in some way, as if it was almost derogatory when used in reference to the relationship. I questioned myself often… “how can I feel this way, what gives me the right to feel this way” and even more so I questioned this because even though I feel we all have the right to love as we feel the need. I never really understand how a “same sex’ relationship could be “as loving” or “as right” as a heterosexual relationship.

I know now it has absolutely nothing to do with gender. It has to do with heart, with soul and with love. With how the heart responds to an individual. It has to do with the soul and how it speaks to the heart in what it needs and desires. It has to do with love and the ability to allow it to be ever growing.

For years I was a “friend”…… over time my soul spoke to my heart. At first it was delicate whispers… softly nudging me closer. Telling me this person was special….. causing the label of “Best Friend” to be given. As my “Best Friend” moved thru joys and sorrows, my heart responded to each in like kind. One day a photo was sent and my heart jumped in response. The whispers of the soul grew louder, and became full voice.
The boundaries of the mind hushed the soul and caused the heart to turn a blind eye.
Then a package was received… and smells of love and home wafted from the inner reaches of the box. And again the heart jumped in response. And again the boundaries of the mind were strong enough to turn the heart away from the calling of the soul.

Then my friend was hurt…. Was hurt in a way that the soul called out in pain and my soul heard it and for once stood up to the boundaries of the mind and told the mind that love did not require boundaries or labels or limits. It simply required the ability “to be”. And my mind thought long and hard. And explored what it really believed and what it truly felt love to be. And my mind realized that what the soul had been saying all along was right and true. Love is boundless, and it has no limits. Love is strong and true and given freedom can bring the greatest joy known.

Once I opened my mind and allowed the thoughts of “loving more” to be acceptable. I reached out for more and found once again the whisperings of the soul to be accurate.
I found a 3rd love, another facet of my heart and soul was found. And with the addition of such, the total combination of the 3, I received the feeling of fulfillment and joy that can not be described… only felt and relished with great joy.

With that said…. Can I defend this path. Can I defend this choice ?? Yes…. Emphatically yes. I have bound myself in the eyes of the law to one man. The father of my children, the love of my life. But I have also bound myself in the ways of my soul to 3 loves. To 3 people who my souls responds to, who my heart reacts with. And who my mind has come to recognize as parts of myself…. Parts essential to the happiness and well being of my total self.



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