Our Poly Life

Our life as a Polyamorous Quad, with 10 kids.

Hormonally Hostile

on November 2, 2008

Why is it a totally rational and acceptable excuse to use a woman’s cycle to ignore her ideas?  If the little woman is irritated, it must be “that time” and if she’s complaining about something, she must be “hormonal.”  Is thinking in this vein even logical in the new millennia?

 

Between the years of 1992 and 2003 I was either pregnant or nursing all but a few short months – five kids @ 40 weeks each, plus a year on average for breastfeeding each child, so you do the math.  During this time I was strongly discouraged to make any decisions or changes in my personal relationships and I was given, IMO, mere lip service on concerns and aggravations.  The reason I was so easily discounted?  You guessed it; hormones.

 

And it wasn’t just the hubby and related males, it was the older generation of women as well that shot me that attitude.  Is it even potentially illogical that for a time of nine years I had absolutely no reason to ire?  I mean really, how frequently does the average American find something in their life that ruffles their feathers?  I’m certain it’s more frequently than once a decade.

 

And why aren’t men considered “hormonal?”  I’ve seen the other half do equally stupid and unthoughtful things due to testosterone.  I’ve read lots of studies sighting how male prisoners have elevated testosterone and other male hormones that “cause” criminal behavior.  And I can say from experience how men will say or do practically anything once they are mid “hunt” in the sexual realm.  It’s all about those quelling those animalistic urges.  Is this the place we mention age old double standards when “men are just being men” and women are being “bitchy?”

 

Ok, so I’m the first to admit I’m a high maintenance woman.  In addition to that, I have some odd ball quirks and OCD tendencies for which I take full responsibility.   I will even go so far as to admit I have an emotional sensitivity to others around me, and my fair share of stereotypical PMS symptoms.  Fine.  But does that mean I am entirely off base and to be disregarded on all points and at all times, or at least all but those magical seven days a month when I’m just so physiologically accepting (due to hormones again, of course) that I’ll put up with anything?  I suppose you’re welcome to your own opinion on that.

 

Now that we’ve established our core beliefs, let’s move on…

 

Given the above has already been wielded in my direction this morning; my level of disgruntlement has only increased in response.  Maybe the fact that for a long time I was much more accepting of bad behavior by others in my life has caused me to now be infinitely less tolerant.  Those once lulled into loose standards do not easily conform to rigidity.  And given my substandard history with important role models of the male variety, lets just say I’m feeling slightly unconvinced that the other half of the gene pool is capable of living up to their inherent potential.

 

I’d love to think the men in my life would rise to the occasion, but there are definitely days when my deeply southern and conservative upbringing that said, “You’re only as valuable as the service(s) you provide,” kicks in and I question not only my self, but the relationship I thought we shared.  Maybe I can break it down this way…

 

I’m not feeling well, I haven’t cooked a meal today, or washed clothes or cleaned the kitchen due to the before reason, I’m not up to hanging out or having fun, and therefore I’m not putting out.  So because I’m not making the effort to be social or affectionate, I am not any potential fun, and thereby unworthy of spending time.  Let us just let all the anxieties out of the closet today, and invite back to haunt me some messages from the childhood.

 

My Father was good at occasions and because of that performed well for major holidays.  My Birthday is in October, Christmas comes in December, and Easter is in early April; but there is nothing special about the months in between (I spent summers with the grandparents), so most years from Easter until my birthday I could generally expect not to see or hear from my father.  What kind of a man goes nearly seven months without nodding in the direction of a person he’s supposed to love and care about?  And do you have any idea of what kind of messages that sends?

 

“The illusion of love at gift giving time is more important than actually being involved the rest of the year.”  Or how about, “no matter how good of a kid you are, the issues I have with your mother are distasteful enough to discount your existence.”  Maybe let’s try a heaping dose of, “You just aren’t important enough to make the effort.”  That one feels good.  It doesn’t matter where the truth lies, it only matters how the child’s heart perceives the abandonment.

 

And in matters of the heart, do we ever really grow up?  I don’t think so.  Our hearts can harden, but the vulnerabilities we have as children follow us into adulthood, always peeking over our shoulder and reminding us those messages we got long ago still are very true today.  Or is that my hormones talking again?

 

~ the laundry goddess, November 2, 2008

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One response to “Hormonally Hostile

  1. I’ve heard it said that PMS is that time in a woman’s month when she acts just like guys do all the time.

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