Our Poly Life

Our life as a Polyamorous Quad, with 10 kids.

Decisive Destruction

on November 18, 2008

It happened in an instant.  I was searching something for the restricted teen, I clicked, copied, and before I could finish printing said material it hit, and it hit HARD.  Within mere seconds my computer shut down and when it restarted itself, I could hardly recognize the jarbled mess it had become.


None of my settings were right, I couldn’t read any images, the java scripting was disabled, and there was this hacked version of a Windows “alert” flashing at me, warning me to protect myself.  We discovered very quickly this virus pretends to be a tool, offering spy ware protection that loads even more nastiness if you even try to click the red x in the corner.  Titled the Rogue Antivirus 2009, there is plenty of hidden pieces, and to the dismay of many of the real virus protection software, it does not hide in the same place every time.  It jumps from folder to folder, repopulating itself with every reboot.


It took about 3 hours to find it, dissect it from its hiding places, and get the computer virus free, but the changes it had made to my system in the meantime were a whole different story.  At first it was little things I noticed, stuff not acting right, things I should have been able to see or click on weren’t working properly.  Within 24 hours I was certain of the fate of my machine… it was going to take a destructive recovery to reclaim my system.


Even after such a drastic step, there were issues in restoring.  The rebuilding took nearly a whole day.  Temptress sat determined; systematically reinstalling all the necessary programs, files, and documents to bring my machine back to its previous workable condition.


Who spends their obvious gray matter sitting around thinking these things up?  What kind of inhumane monster gets his jollies at the expense of others, creating something that annihilates everything it touches?


The whole process got me to thinking about maliciousness.  Merriam-Webster online defines malicious as, “given to, marked by, or arising from malice.”  (ya, it couldn’t be a one step thing, could it?)  The subsequent definition for malice is, “desire to cause pain, injury, or distress to another; or the intent to commit an unlawful act or cause harm without legal justification or excuse.”  The fact that we even have a word for such an act or attitude in our language doesn’t say much about us as a people.


I remember when Big and I were going through our Foster Parenting orientation.  There was a lot of paperwork to fill out, interviews, bios, and home studies to be completed.  One question stuck with me.  “What conduct or attribute will you not tolerate in your home?”  There was, of course, a long list of possible bad behaviors that followed, I guess to get me thinking, but I eventually answered… destructiveness.


It is said people fear what they do not understand.  I don’t’ understand destructiveness for malicious reasons.  Many behaviors I can rationalize away.  Even though I don’t agree or believe the same way, I understand why someone else might.  This is something I just don’t get.  I realize this is purely a rhetorical question, but Why, WHY, would anyone want to be that mean; causing harm or destruction ON PURPOSE just to stick it to the other guy.


These computer viruses are just one example of those types of behaviors.  There are plenty of other examples.  Take vandalism, like which unlike looting seems to have no motive other than being an expression of the ugliness within.  And what about the Anthrax scare?  Bullying might fall into that category if I didn’t truly believe that action was a caustic mix of helplessness and power play.  Arson, hoaxes, and even some types of practical jokes can also signal that need to damage something or someone for mere sport, or perhaps no reason at all.  In my opinion, it’s nothing short of personal terrorism.


Certainly psychologists can point to a million scenarios that might explain a person’s motive here, but really, how can one be so miserable the only joy comes from tearing down of another?  Please show me when it actually works to build up oneself at the expense of another?  How does limiting someone else equal net gain?  Where did those cycles of ill will originate and how many random acts of kindness will it take to overturn the negative effects?  When does the logic kick in that only in the lifting of others, can we gain enlightenment of our own?  And how do you convince another that the pain and ugliness of our pasts need not determine the success of our future?


These are the things that wear on me, that tear me down, that change my Pollyanna outlook cynical.  I’d like to believe people, as products of The Creator, are essentially good with positive objectives, that only in the most dire of circumstances we can be altered towards evil intent.  But the longer I live, the more I see evidence to the contrary.  Perhaps this is why I cling so desperately to those I see living on purpose; to those with exemplary character; and to those with tolerance and understanding to see others with eyes outside their own trappings.


Thanks to the tireless efforts of my Temptress, and some helpful hints from sites like BLEEPINGcomputer.com, I am back online, running more effectively than before.  It was a PITA for both of us, but perhaps this is a situation when I can look back and realize regardless of the hassles and inconvenience, of the information loss and time investment, I’m now better off because I (ok, we) had to take a break from our originally scheduled programming and focus on the unexpected.


In a way it was another “take time to smell the flowers” sort of lesson.  I hope in my life I always take time to understand that which the Universe is trying to impart.


~the laundry goddess, November 17, 2008


Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.” ~Helen Keller


One response to “Decisive Destruction

  1. A whole lotta Antivirus2009 going around these days. I’ve got two other friends who got smacked in the last couple of weeks.
    My ideas about proper punishment for such involves fire ants and honey rubbed up into their nostrils…

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