Our Poly Life

Our life as a Polyamorous Quad, with 10 kids.

Forgiveness

on July 30, 2010

Forgiveness can be a very illusive creature. When you love someone that has hurt you, there are parts of you that wants to forgive, to move forward. To find a place of peace. There are other parts that hold the hurt like a wounded paw that needs nursing. There is pain, there is anger, there is denial and disbelief.
When you have been hurt deeply to the core of your being it does something to you. But when you watch someone you love deeply being hurt in the same way, when you watch them sink deeper and deeper each day into a place of darkness where you can’t reach them, when you feel as if you are helpless to do anything… then the anger at the offender continues to be fed.
Time passes…. You come to a place where you can look at photos fondly, and a with a tinge of wistful “what should have been”. Healing is slow and occasionally the scab gets ripped back and the hurt is fresh again for a moment. You begin to resign yourself to what is, rather than what was.
And then out of the blue the offender re-appears in your life. Fancy words fall from their lips, words that sound like an apology in a round about way. Words that admit wrong without ever really taking blame.
What is true? What is real? How can you move past a hurt so deep you can’t truly describe it. A hurt that has caused you to question yourself, to feel as if you were garbage to be cast aside? A hurt that not only pains you, but even more so has caused an even deeper pain in one you love and cherish? Is it possible to forgive?

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One response to “Forgiveness

  1. oneof4 says:

    I very much know the type of hurt you are talking about. And it takes the offender making amends to begin to make it past such hurt. And even then, it takes time. The trust has to be rebuilt and that does not happen overnight. And still you are afraid to believe because you just do not know if you can face that type of hurt again.

    I really dislike hearing about others dealing with pain such as this.

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