Our Poly Life

Our life as a Polyamorous Quad, with 10 kids.

Yes, Virginia, There IS a Santa Claus! (a.k.a. Poly Can Work)

on March 31, 2011

Last week Temptress and I received an email; yet another email, from a concerned reader who inadvertently stumbled across our blog.  Word Press is weird like that.  Search engines create strange bed fellows. (Ya, just take that as I meant it and don’t read too much into the statement.)  The message was sweet, and a bit desperate.  It read like most of the other email we’ve received in the last few years…

 “Dear Temptress and Goddess,

 I found your blog… I read your blog… I’m intrigued by everything you’ve gone through…  I’m in a poly/swinging/unusual situation too… My triad/quad/five fingered arrangement thing is doing well even though we have our issues with jealousy/possessiveness/mental health we are working hard to overcome them… I’m so sorry to hear how everything has turned out for you…”

 (DISCLAIMER: I am thrilled we still get notes from readers, and we read them all with pleasure, so please do not take offense at the recreation of what most all newbie Polys experience, but take notice of the message that comes from within.) 

 And then she said what I presume most are thinking when they write to us, “I can’t help but wonder if our family is doomed.”

 As Temptress read this aloud to me during one of our scarce but treasured half-hour-lunchbox-meals-in-the-parking-lot moments, there was this shared sense of heaviness.  Mostly because every time we have to come face to face with what promised to be eternal sunshine but turned into years of dark clouds and drama it makes us sad.  Sad for what we never managed to hold on to, and sad for what won’t ever be, and sad for all the lost moments in the future that gave us so many memories in the past, and sad for being just one more statistic wasn’t able to make it work.

 And, as these letters often do, we set upon discussing once again all the “should and shouldn’t haves”, all the “wish we hads”, and all the “wouldn’t it have been nice ifs.”  So I think I am about to post a series of blogs about what went wrong, what was right, and how some hindsight would have pushed us in different directions.  It won’t save our quad, because I’m pretty sure from this perspective I’m of the opinion that we were too far outside the “well put together” spectrum from the beginning.

 However, there is hope.  For without hope there are no tomorrows worth living.  I don’t expect fairy tales to come true, and I dare not believe in the existence of knights in shining armor, but life can be lived to its fullest, and POLY CAN AND DOES WORK.  Despite everything, I still think polyamory is not only a valid lifestyle, but highly beneficial when handled correctly.  To me, polyamory is the best of all possible worlds, but it is not to be taken lightly.  With several important caveats, your poly relationship(s) is not doomed!

 Okay, fair Reader, press on…

 ~The Laundry Goddess, 31 March 2001


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