Our Poly Life

Our life as a Polyamorous Quad, with 10 kids.

Moving out…Moving in… Moving on.

on June 5, 2011

As per a standard pattern for us, it seems long period of silence on our blog means big changes for us. And indeed we have held true to that once again.

So many new things to tell about… so much has changed. I will try to tell of them in order, but many are interwoven and hard to keep separate on the timeline.

As all of our readers know of course… it is almost 2 years since Big left our home, leaving us a triad. And 10 months since he and Goddess finalized their divorce. It was long and drawn out and painful for all involved, and still is on many levels. Goddess, Fix and I carried on as a triad as best we could – until a domino effect began rather unexpectedly.

In July of last year Drummer Boy left to finish his last year of high year at an accelerated military program. Within days, Fix moved out of the bedroom he shared with me and Goddess. There were a lot of reasons for this, but mostly it was because the 3 of were still reeling from  ALL of the events of recent years and we were rather shell shocked.

In November, after 2 months of interviews and breath holding, Goddess was awarded a stupendous job whose parent company is European.  What is so great about a foreign parent company you ask? Why the insurance of course ! Not only is it fantastic, and very affordable and began the date of her hire, it also recognizes Domestic Partnerships (even if your home state doesn’t) and the children of the partner. Pretty cool, huh? Well… one draw back, Fix and I were married. So no partnership was afforded us where Goddess’s company was concerned.

But wait…. Fix came to me one day several weeks after Goddess was hired and spent an hour convincing me of all of the reasons why we should divorce. The top reason was the insurance, but another was that of placing Goddess and I on equal footing with him…. No more wife and mistress.  But one of the greatest reasons was the protection of our children. A triad poly relationship may have been questionable by some governmental agencies. But a “lesbian” domestic partnership with an ex husband in residence in the basement apartment… not so questionable .Again, more reasons behind the event, but those were the top three.

Within days all of the divorce papers had been created, the settlement agreement decided upon, and on the morning of December 9th wheels were set in motion for the dissolution of 20 years of marriage. We agreed that nothing was going to change other than the fact that we weren’t married. We weren’t really planning to tell many people about the divorce, we would continue to live together in the same home, and continue status quo.

Just before Christmas, we all traveled to Drummer Boy’s base to see him graduate high school. It was a proud day indeed!

I began an educational/career journey in early January that includes an apprenticeship that will take 3-5 years to complete. So now both Goddess and I, who had been stay at home moms for 20 years, were now both in the work force and making inroads towards a new future as more than just mommies.

Also, the three of us knew something we hadn’t told the children yet. When our two year lease was up in just a few short months, we would be moving. It wasn’t what we wanted, we had intended to stay and renew the lease for at least 2 more years. As our readers know, we have moved our clan way too many times over the course of these last 5 years. Unfortunately, Goddess, Fix and I couldn’t comfortably keep up the house the 4 of us had moved into together without the full amount of Child support and Alimony being received in addition to our salaries and Big was not in a position to follow thru as agreed. Goddess and I had already begun to look and see what sort of homes were out there that would fit our large family for a price we could afford AND one willing to let 9 children live in the home.

On January 28th I woke up, drove to the court house and was handed a signed stack of papers naming Fix and I as newly separate entities. I went to the car, read through all the papers, had a good cry, picked my chin up and moved forward knowing this was an important and needed step.

February seemed to be the month slated for real change. On the 17th I sat across the breakfast table from Fix. We enjoyed a nice conversation and meal and said our good-byes as I headed off to a day of work. I thought he did as well. I fought traffic to the other side of the city as per my usual drive and was surprised when an hour later Fix was calling my phone. He started the call simply by saying he wanted me to know he loved me/us, but he felt like we all needed time. And by the time my work day was over and I returned home, he would be gone. I was shell shocked. There wasn’t much I could say and in fact I felt rather incapable of speech.

I called Goddess at work, told her about the call, sniffled in her ear for a bit, we came up with a plan to be sure our children would have stability and then lifted my chin once again, went on to work and finished my day.

On my way home I made a call that had Goddess and I meeting a realtor that afternoon and signing papers on a home that would fit our kids and we could (we hope) afford on our own. As difficult as the day had been and the spur of the moment decisions that had to be made, our toughest hurdle was about to take place.

Goddess and I had dinner with the kids and then called them all to the living room for a family meeting. It was time to tell them that Fix had moved out, that we had in fact divorced, we were moving… in 11 days …. And that several of them would be changing schools. Goddess I felt that as much tough info as we had to impart, it would be best done Band-aid style. Hurt now, all in one swipe, and deal with the pain afterward.

I have to give our kids kudos. There were tears, there was upset and hurt. Comments of little ones not wanting to lose another Daddy. Concern by older kids of how we would get by. But in the scheme of things our kids are troopers. They woke up the next morning ready to tackle the world and begin the process of moving….. forward.

In an amazing short amount of time our home was packed, and on the moving weekend Fix came with a moving truck, and some help, and several dear friends came as well to see our family safely and efficiently transferred to our new home that was ½ the size of our former one, but actually fit us pretty well. Ahhhh…. Time to relax now.

Oh Wait… there is more.  I saved the very best for last. On February 21, in the soft evening light of our bedroom filled to the brim with packing boxes, in the presence of a dear friend who is a notary, Goddess and I signed official documents making us Domestic Partners.  And later that night as we lay snuggled in bed alone we exchanged simple silver rings fashioned into knots and wrapped our arms around each other and drifted off to sleep as newly minted “partners” and “wives”.

I now dare ANYONE who may suddenly have a problem with our living together or our children living in our home to say or do anything. We are legally entangled now and the ACLU would just love to take this one on. Our very long and distinguished list of legal advisors are wringing  in the glee over the opportunity to fight this battle for us.

In the course of 4 months, Goddess and I returned to work after being at home mom’s, Fix and I divorced, Fix moved out and Goddess and I moved our kiddos to a new home and we officially became Domestic Partners, Wife and Wife… whew ! That was exhausting.  What an amazingly busy and chaotic 120 days.

If you thought the last 5 years had been crazy… the last months were crazier yet.

We have been in our new home 3 months now and we are happily settled. Everyone likes their room, the kids that had to change schools have settled in nicely and are looking forward to the new school year and getting back to newly made friends. Goddess and I are settling in to our roles as working Mom’s and Fix is finding his way as a single Dad. 

We saw Drummer boy off to Basic training for the Army on May 16th and 10 short days later we watched as Miss Academic received her High School diploma.  She now prepares for her college experience 6 hours away from us. Soon our brood of 9 will be 7 and we will once again traverse the shifting sands of change.

August of 2005,  two couples began a journey that would test them and find them wanting.  These past 24 months have seen the full dissolution of our polyamorous cross- coupled quad and has left us as an entirely new dynamic.  The men are navigating their way through their own changes and Goddess and I are discovering this new world as heterosexually divorced and homosexually married. A friend refers to us as their favorite Lesbian NON Lesbians. Ahh… there goes those labels we hate so much.

The last 5 years have taught us much, but no lesson has been more perfected than that of moving on with each new change and shift. Time moves forward and so shall we.

Temptress

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2 responses to “Moving out…Moving in… Moving on.

  1. Anonypilgrim says:

    Congratulations on your new roles. May you continue to learn and grow in strenght and may your emotional upheavals be less.

  2. Derek says:

    I just have to say, I cannot understand why Fix bailed on such an idyllic triad after Big had left, unless Goddess and Temptress decided they would be happier without him.

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